Acting My Age When I Don't Feel My Age

Acting My Age When I Don't Feel My Age

Sep 15 2018 0 Comments Carey's Musings

So there’s the Quarter-Life Crisis and the Mid-Life Crisis and I guess I am somewhere in the middle.

In my mind I am still 23 years old and not really all that mature. In reality I am hovering around the 40-year-range (a lady NEVER reveals her age, you know).

I have a couple of mortgages, a couple of businesses, a husband and a kid. I am the epitome of the “responsible adult.” Yet sometimes I wonder who I am and how the heck did I get here so quickly. I mean, I’m still only 23 on the inside, right?

Anyone else out there know what I’m talking about? This is my identity crisis. I sometimes feel like I am not old enough or mature enough or, heck, responsible enough for all of the commitments in my life. Inside I am still a recent college graduate, uncertain what the future holds and off to travel the world with nothing but a backpack. I sometimes wonder how I went from there to where I am now.

Yes, I do realize that 20 years have passed but honestly sometimes I don’t know how or when. I feel like I turned around and, while I was so busy chasing goals and dreams, those years flashed by. Is that weird? Probably. I am a bit weird.

My challenge is this: I have a toddler. She expects me to know everything. I don’t. I make stuff up as I go. Is that wrong? Probably. Her big question lately is where was she before she was born. Heavy stuff for a three-year-old. “You didn’t exist” seemed like a harsh response. So I told her she was a thought in mommy’s mind and a feeling in mommy’s heart. I thought that was a pretty clever answer. Nope. “But WHERE was I, Mommy?” she asked. How do you explain to your toddler that you had a whole life on your own before she was born?

So I have started sharing stories of Mommy’s life before kids (don’t worry, only the G-rated ones). It is both wonderful and hilarious to watch her try to process the concept that I had a life “before” her. As she learns about her mom as an actual person, I get to relive childhood through her. It’s a win-win.

So, while it seems my carefree footloose and fancy-free days are over, I am enjoying this new chapter of life as I get to see the world through the eyes of a three-year-old again. She continually reminds me just how much I have grown and how far I have come in this life. I am grateful.


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